do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
