His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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