So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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