I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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