Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
