what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
