I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
