genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
