I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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