I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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