I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
