tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
