I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
