you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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