Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
