i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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