I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
