i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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