It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
