I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
