I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
