I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
