Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
