I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
