i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
