So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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