Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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