Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
