I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize