Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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