I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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