people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
