I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
