literally had 100 drinks last night.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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