oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
