very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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