dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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