just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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