So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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