I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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