My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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