sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
