fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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