yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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