so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
