i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
