You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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