I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
