please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
