My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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