the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
