Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
