dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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