sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
