There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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