What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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