yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
