Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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