Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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