I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
