The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
