some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
