Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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