I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
