I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
