woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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