My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
