i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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