Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am midnight drunk by noon
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
