I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
