bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
