he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
