Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
