I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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