I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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