Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
